Ravages of Spirit
by CassBlake
Summary: [Complete] It was an easy way out, or so he thought, until that stupid mudblood promised to give him a reason to live... Part One of a trilogy. DMHG


"Ravages of Spirit"  
By C.K. Blake  
  
Summary: It was an easy way out, or so he thought, until that stupid mudblood promised to give him a reason to live... Part One of a trilogy. DM/HG  
  
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
  
Author notes: This is to the shadows that haunt me...  
  
'If I should choose to fall apart,  
  
Don't you think you should let me?  
  
If I should choose to die alone,  
  
You should forgive and forget me...'  
  
-Joy Drop "Cocoon"  
  
The warmth of the fire played across her skin as she sat dozing in one of the plush red chairs in the Gryffindor Common Room. Suddenly a bolt of ice shot up her spine, startling her awake. She sat up straight, looking around, she noticed how crowded the common room was, and smiled when she saw Harry and Ron playing wizards chess in the corner. It was a brutal game and Ron was champion at maneuvering the pieces. Poor Harry never stood a chance.  
  
Still the ice that had shot up her spine was now crawling through her bloodstream, and she began to grow restless. She looked down at her watch and saw that it was barely ten o'clock. She sighed, and suddenly felt like going out and looking at the stars. It was an unusually clear night and she hadn't been stargazing since the end of her sixth year.  
  
She decided that she would spend the night in the astronomy tower, but to do so without getting caught would require Harry's invisibility cloak. She approached her two friends playing chess and tried to help Harry with a move, but alas her attempt was futile, and then Harry looked up at her.  
  
"Nice try Hermione, but I know when I'm beaten," he said and then looked up at her, his dark brows knitting together. "What is it?"  
  
She nibbled on her bottom lip and then asked, "Harry, I was wondering if I could use your cloak? You see there is some research that I want to do, but I would need to go into the restricted section, and I don't have pass. It completely slipped my mind and I forgot to ask Professor McGonagall."  
  
Harry shrugged and then smiled up at her. "Of course you can. It's in my trunk. Do you need any help? I could come with you."  
  
"Oh, no, Harry, that's not necessary. Just books and cleverness, you know me," she said with a small laugh, wondering why she was suddenly so nervous.  
  
Ron rolled his eyes. "Only Mione would want to use an invisibility cloak to sneak into the library for homework!"  
  
Hermione swatted him on the back of the head and then took off for the seventh year boy's dormitory where she located Harry's trunk and found the invisibility cloak. She wrapped it around her and then went to her room and got a couple of blankets, which she shrunk and put in the pocket of her jumper.  
  
Then she left Gryffindor Tower, feeling guilty about having lied to Harry about where she was going, but she really didn't want him to know. He might have tried to follow her, and she wanted the time alone.  
  
When she reached the Astronomy Tower she went out on the balcony, took out the blankets, spread them on the cool stone floor, and sat down. She folded Harry's invisibility cloak and placed it beside her. If she heard anyone approaching she would put it on and hope no one was the wiser.  
  
She leaned back on her elbows looking at the sky, seeing familiar constellations, Draconis being her favorite. She looked up feeling lost to the beauty of the glinting light nestled in inky darkness.  
  
She didn't know how long she'd been there laying on her back looking at the sky, but then she heard hurried footsteps approaching. Without a second thought she wrapped Harry's invisibility cloak around her and barely muffled a startled gasp as Draco Malfoy burst out onto the balcony. He looked different, his eyes and hair wild, his movements predatory and desperate, as though he were a cornered animal.  
  
He approached the balcony railing and began to climb over it...  
  
---------  
  
He'd just apparated back onto school grounds. He suddenly doubled over and vomited, still sick from what he'd seen his father do. It had been a lesson, his father had told him. Still the two muggle women had been terrified as Lucius Malfoy had his way with them, then beat them, used the Cruciatus on them, and finally killed them.  
  
The smells alone were enough to make Draco sick, but the things he'd seen were etched as permanent nightmares in his mind. He ran toward Hogwarts, bursting through the front door, and through corridors, needing to escape. He'd never seen such cruelty and he knew that he wanted no part in it. There was only one escape that he knew of. His feet took him up one corridor, down another, and up several flights of stairs, until he burst onto the balcony of the Astronomy Tower gasping for breath.  
  
He approached the railing, he leaned over to look down, noticing the rocky ground below. A smile tugged at his lips. Freedom was only a leap away. He began to climb onto the railing, but suddenly he was thrown back.  
  
---------  
  
Hermione didn't have time to think. She threw off the cloak and rushed over, grabbing him and pulling him back with as much strength as she could muster. The two landed in a heap on the stone floor of the balcony, she was on top him and he was looking up at her wide-eyed in surprise, and she noticed that his eyes weren't cold like ice, but fierce like storm clouds, and he was so handsome, with his pale hair framing the delicate contours of his aristocratic face, and his mouth was so tempting. She shook herself and slowly pulled back, standing up and offering him a hand to help him up, but he just stared up at her.  
  
Finally he turned away, and her breath caught as she thought she'd seen...tears. Tears in a Malfoy's eyes? She knelt down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. His body trembled, and then she did as instinct directed her. She gave him comfort, because he wasn't just a Malfoy, he was human.  
  
She wrapped her arms around him and he tried to pull away from her, but he didn't have the strength. She held him close, letting the shudders pass and pulling him tighter against her, but then she felt his body stiffen, and ice ran through her veins and as she prepared for whatever verbal onslaught was about to be made in her direction.  
  
Instead there was only one word. "Why?"  
  
Hermione blinked and then looked at the pale boy in her arms. Seeing him for the first time. He was vulnerable lying there, looking up at her, his eyes wide with curiosity, fear, and pain, so much pain. She wondered what could have caused it, what could have made the Slytherin prince human.  
  
She swallowed thickly, not really sure of how to answer, but words came out anyway. "Why? Why what? Why did I pull you back? Or why did you want to jump? What do you want me to say?"  
  
He slowly began to sit up, his grey eyes locking with hers. "Why didn't you let me do it? I was so close. There was freedom on the other side. How could you pull me back? I wanted it. I chose to die alone, it was the first decision I ever made for myself, and you took that from me!"  
  
Hermione's mouth fell open and she didn't know what to say as she stared at him in shock. He really wanted to die, and it was only a matter of time before he tried again. She grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.  
  
"It was a stupid decision to make! That is not freedom! That is an ending! I couldn't let you do that. I knew you were selfish, but to try and take your own life?! What were you thinking?" she snapped.  
  
"And tell me little Know-it-All Mudblood, what do I have to live for?" he asked bitterly, his eyes searching hers for an answer.  
  
"I don't know," she answered truthfully.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"But," she said. "I promise that I will give you something to live for."  
  
He cocked his head to the side in surprise and looked at her. "What?"  
  
Instead of answering she leaned down until her lips were pressed firmly against his. His eyes widened in surprise. He then made a split second decision. He opened his mouth and ran his tongue over her bottom lip. He felt her gasp in surprise and entered her mouth while he had the chance. His tongue explored her mouth, tasting her, and she tasted like apples and strawberries, his favorites. A moan escaped her throat, and he answered back with a growl of possessiveness as his arms snaked around her.  
  
Finally she whimpered from the lack of air and he pulled back slowly, savoring the taste of her, and awaiting her reaction, expecting a slap because he'd taken things too far. Instead she took a deep shaky breath and slowly opened her eyes, the expressive pools of liquid brown looking at him as though she were seeing him for the first time. She brought a hand to her mouth and lightly ran her fingers over her swollen lips. She looked into his grey eyes and something sparked in her eyes, and a shiver ran up his spine and he looked at her, not as a Gryffindor, or a Know-it-All, or a mudblood, but as a girl, a very attractive girl with wild curly hair, soft skin, expressive brown eyes that spoke volumes to him, and she was his savior. She'd pulled him back from the edge.  
  
She shivered a little, he didn't know if it was from the cold or everything else. He looked around and noticed the blankets on the floor, and a pool of shimmery material that looked suspiciously like an invisibility cloak, probably belonging to Potter.  
  
"So what were you doing up here, Granger?" he asked and began to pull away, but she held onto him, and he paused in his movements.  
  
"Sometimes I come out here to look up at the stars. I like how the light of the stars battles the night, and yet the stars seems so comfortable blanketed in the darkness, nestled gently. It's beautiful," she sighed.  
  
He raised an eyebrow and continued. "And where are Potty and Weasel? Thought you never went anywhere without them?"  
  
She shrugged. "Last I saw of them they were playing wizards chess. They think I'm in the restricted section of the library looking up something for a homework assignment."  
  
"Did you plan on staying her the whole night?" he asked and indicated the blankets.  
  
Heat rose to her cheeks and he could tell that she was blushing by the darkening of her pale cheeks.  
  
"Yes," she whispered. "I needed the time alone. I wanted to think, and..." she paused and looked at him before continuing, "I felt like something was calling me here. Telling me that I had to be here for some reason."  
  
"Granger, are you saying that you were fate's little intervention on my behalf?" he asked with a snort of laughter.  
  
"Call it what you will," she said with a smile. "But you are still here, and maybe that is a good thing. And it is okay to call me Hermione. There is no one here except the two of us, and I think that after tonight we could be on a first name basis, at least between the two of us."  
  
He nodded. "Very well, Hermione." The name was unfamiliar on his lips, but she liked how his mouth shaped her name and how his voice wove it into something beautiful to be treasured.  
  
The two of them got up and went to sit on the blankets. At first neither of them sitting close enough to where they were touching, but then he noticed her shiver. He sighed and moved closer to her, picking up the second blanket and wrapping it around the both of him. His arms wound around her, his hands keeping the blanket closed around the two of them. His chest tightened when she leaned into him, her back pressed against his chest. He swallowed thickly and closed his eyes, once again recalling how she tasted. Apples and strawberries. He licked his lips and smiled.  
  
---------  
  
It had been nearly two months since that fateful night on the Astronomy Tower, and Hermione could hardly believe how quickly the time had passed. After that night things had changed. Draco was a completely different person around her, not when they were in public of course. He still threw the occasional insults and threats at her, Harry, and Ron, but when no one was looking he would wink at her, or if they were in a corridor he would purposefully walk into her or brush her hand with his.  
  
One time when she'd gone up to get some potion ingredients he'd followed her to the cabinet and they'd reached for the same jar. His hands brushed hers, sending a shiver up her spine and she'd dropped the jar, but he'd managed to catch it in time. He'd said something about Mudbloods having slippery fingers, but he'd given her hand a squeeze never the less, and that made up for the insult.  
  
Nobody seemed to notice many differences in Hermione or Draco's behavior. Harry and Ron noticed that Hermione frequently borrowed Harry's invisibility cloak, and although Harry grew suspicious he shrugged it away. Ginny noticed the flush that crept up Hermione's cheeks more often, but she simply wrote it off as a crush of some sort and vaguely wondered if that blush was directed at Ron or even Harry.  
  
Hermione had gone to the Astronomy Tower as often as she could, always on Friday and Saturday nights, and sometimes during the week. She and Draco had worked out a system of leaving notes. He would leave his notes on page one-seventy-two of the brown leather volume of Hogwarts: A History and she would leave her replies on page two-ninety-seven, and they never signed their notes.  
  
That day he'd left her a note. He wanted to meet her at the tower. He said he had a present for her. She smiled and shook her head. He didn't have to get her anything. She closed her eyes and thought of him, running her hands through his pale silky hair, kissing him, how he tasted of fresh honeydew and apricots, and he always smelled of spring rain and mangos.  
  
She then hurried off to dinner, barely able to contain herself. She sat down and ate a little, mostly picking at her food, as her mind raced with what he had planned. She felt eyes on her and looked up, her brown eyes meeting his grey and she felt a shiver race up her spine and knocked her pumpkin juice over, which ended up spilling in Ron's lap.  
  
"Oi, Mione! Are you okay?" Ron asked as he stood up and dabbed at his trousers with a napkin.  
  
Harry who was sitting next to her looked at her, his eyes narrowed in suspicion behind his glasses. He'd noticed the direction of her stare and turned to look for himself, but all he saw was Malfoy talking to one of his cronies. He turned back to Hermione and shrugged it off as she blushed and apologized profusely to Ron who was shaking his head and laughing it off as he finally remember he was a wizard and used a drying charm on his trousers.  
  
Dinner was finally over and Hermione seemed more anxious than usually. Harry was growing more and more suspicious. There was something going on and he wanted to know what. Once they were back in the common room she sat down in one of the chairs by the fireplace, trying to read a book, but it was obvious that she was too fidgety to concentrate on it.  
  
He approached her and knelt down before her, taking the book from her hand. She looked at him, her brown eyes unreadable, and Harry had always been able to look into her eyes and know what she was thinking before.  
  
"Hermione, is there something you need to tell me?" he asked.  
  
Her cheeks flushed faintly, but she shook her head, "No, Harry. I was just...wondering... Could I borrow your cloak tonight?"  
  
"Sure, but where are you going?" he asked.  
  
"The library," she answered quickly.  
  
His eyebrows rose and he looked at her and sighed. "I know that's not where you go. The last time you borrowed my cloak I went to the library at about two in the morning and you weren't there, and according to Lavender and Parvati whenever you do go out you don't return until some time after daybreak. Where do you go Hermione?"  
  
"I c-can't tell you," she spoke softly stumbling over the words. "I'm not ready to tell you, and you wouldn't understand. Please Harry, may I use your cloak, and do you promise not to look for me?"  
  
He smiled tiredly and nodded, "Sure. And how can I look for you? You know Snape confiscated the Marauder's Map."  
  
She threw her arms around him and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Harry. Thank you."  
  
"Always, Mione. I just hope he's worth it," Harry sighed as he hugged her back.  
  
She drew back and looked into the swirling depths of his bright green eyes, and realization hit her. Harry loved her, more than just as a friend. He was in love with her. She sucked in a deep breath and her eyes widened. She saw the blood rush to his cheeks and he looked down trying to hide it. She took his chin in her grasp and lifted his face so she could look into his eyes. She noticed the pain there and felt a piece of her heart break.  
  
"I'm sorry it can't be you, Harry. It would be easier if it were you," she said and kissed him lightly on the lips, before drawing back.  
  
She noticed that his eyes were closed. Slowly he opened his eyes and felt his chest tighten as his heart broke. He brought his fingers to his lips lightly brushing over where her lips had just been with his fingertips, and he gave a small nod. "I'm sorry too, Hermione."  
  
---------  
  
He began to pace the balcony in his nervousness, anxiously awaiting her arrival. He'd been to the library and looked for her reply, but it hadn't been there, but his note hadn't been there either. He had no doubt that she'd received it. He swallowed thickly and almost laughed at himself. A Malfoy was never nervous, but there he was, all of his aristocratic upbringing forgotten as he fidgeted, paced, and repeatedly checked his pocket for the small green velvet box.  
  
He paused at the sound of footsteps on the stairs and retreated to the shadows of the tower, to await whoever approached. He looked toward the doorway, but although he heard someone approach he could not see them. Then in a swirl of shimmery cloth a girl with wild curly hair appeared.  
  
A smile crossed his lips as he looked at her. Had he only spent two months with her? It felt like a lifetime. Talking to her, getting to know her, holding her, kissing her and tasting apples and strawberries. He could hardly remember what it was like before her, and he dared not think of going on without here. She'd become his world, his life; his very soul.  
  
He withdrew from the shadows and caught her about the waist spinning her around until they fell into a laughing heap on the floor. He was leaning over her, looking into her dark brown eyes, trying to recall how he could ever be worthy of such a creature, then he leaned down further until their lips met. She relinquished to the kiss and his trespassing tongue. She moaned and got a growl in return, and then her hands roamed from his waist upward, across his stomach, ribs, chest, until finally they were gently massaging his shoulders.  
  
He pulled back and looked at her, his grey eyes darkening with desire for her. She ran a hand through his silky platinum hair and smiled up at him. He returned the smile and then reached into his pocket producing the small green velvet box. He held it in front of her and she looked at the box curiously.  
  
"The box isn't the gift," he said. "It's inside the box. I hope you like it."  
  
She sat up slowly on her elbows and took the box from him, slowly opening it and her eyes brightened at what the box contained. It was a white gold chain, simple but delicate, and suspended from the chain was the constellation Draconis, the stars represented by diamonds and the white gold outline of a dragon surrounded the constellation.  
  
She looked up at him, tears glistening her eyes, as she threw her arms around him and kissed him on the mouth.  
  
"Does this mean you like it?" he asked teasingly.  
  
She playfully swatted his arm and said, "Yes. It's beautiful. I'm surprised you remembered it was my favorite."  
  
"I remember every single word you say to me," he whispered and leaned down and nibbled her earlobe. She whimpered as he took the chain from her hand and fastened it about her neck. "It looks even more beautiful on you. I couldn't imagine anyone else wearing this. I had it made for you."  
  
Her eyes widened. "It must have been terribly expensive. You didn't have to."  
  
"I'm a Malfoy," he said with a laugh. "And I wanted to. The look on your face is worth more than anything I could have paid for it."  
  
He kissed her again, and she drew him close, her hands fluttering over his white dress shirt, her fingers playing with the buttons. He pulled back and looked down at her in surprise, his eyes dark with wanting her.  
  
"Hermione?"  
  
"Yes, Draco?"  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked gently.  
  
She took a deep breath and then ran her tongue over her lips thoughtfully, before looking up at him with wide eyes and a shy smile. "I want to touch you, kiss you. I..."  
  
"You what?"  
  
"I want you to make love to me," she whispered.  
  
"What?" he asked started, unsure if he'd heard her correctly.  
  
She blushed and then turned away, feeling ashamed. She put her head in her hands and felt like running away or finding somewhere to hide. She felt his hands grip her shoulder and she was being turned around, gently, but firmly. He held her chin up and looked her in the eyes, his grey eyes searching as he asked. "Did you just say you wanted me to make love to you?"  
  
She closed her eyes, and blushed as she nodded. He kissed her once again on the mouth and began to unbutton his shirt until he was pulling it off, exposing his marble fleshed chest, stomach, and abdomen. She noticed how defined his body was, not large, but lithe, well toned, like a track and field runner. He was beautiful. Her eyes drank him in as she timidly touched him.  
  
"If this is what you want," he whispered. "Then you don't have to be afraid. I won't hurt you."  
  
With that she kissed him and caution was thrown to the wind...  
  
---------  
  
Midterms were over and she would be leaving for Christmas holiday the very next day. She sighed and felt something foreboding deep in her gut. She tried to ignore the feeling but it simply wouldn't go away. That night after dinner she paced the Gryffindor Common Room, wanting to go to the Astronomy Tower. She knew he was there, waiting for her. Finally she asked Harry if she could borrow his cloak and he relented. She took it gratefully and hurried to her destination.  
  
Once there she was out of breath, and she felt a presence there, to her left. She turned and saw him as he emerged from the shadows. He looked as though he were created from light, his body almost glowing in the darkness. Her breath caught as she drank in the sight of him and then wrapped her arms around him, clinging to him, fearing the worst. He stiffened and then wrapped his arms around her, trying to ease her tension.  
  
"Don't go, Draco. Stay at Hogwarts. It's not too late if you go to see Snape I can go to McGonagall and they will let us stay. Just please, don't go," she pleaded.  
  
He pulled back and looked into her tear filled brown eyes. "I have to go. You know that. My father would be suspicious if I didn't. Where is this coming from?"  
  
"I'm afraid that if you go I will lose you. Please, just stay. Dumbledore would help. He would protect you from your father," she said, not caring whether she sounded rational or not.  
  
"Hermione, if I don't go, my father will come to get me. I can't risk that. I promise I will come back to you. It's only two weeks and then I'll come back, and we'll meet here, and we'll be together again," he said, and smiled down at her. "Don't you trust me? You've become what I live for. I have to come back to you. Always."  
  
"It just doesn't feel right. I don't want you to go," she went on relentlessly.  
  
Finally he smothered her arguments with kisses and he held her until it was nearly midnight. Then he sighed and told her they had to go in order to wake up early for the train. After many kisses and fierce hugs the two parted, he to go to the dungeons, and she to Gryffindor Tower.  
  
As she walked back to Gryffindor Tower she fingered the Draconis pendant she wore beneath her blouse, and a smile crossed her face. She always wore the pendant next to her skin, and it always reminded her of him. When she entered the common room Harry was there, waiting on her, and the smile faded, as she realized that tomorrow she was going home. She clutched the pendant tightly and tried to take a deep breath, but instead her knees gave out.  
  
Harry rushed to her side and knelt down. She threw her arms around him and she hung on for dear life as sobs tore through her, ripping from her throat, and tears fell from her eyes soaking his sweater as she buried her face into his shoulder. He tentatively put his arms around her and held her close, taking in her scent, damp earth and fresh rain, and he couldn't help wondering what she tasted like.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked gently.  
  
She pulled back a bit so she could speak. "He's going home, Harry. He's going home."  
  
"So are you, Hermione," Harry said and rubbed circles onto her back, His circles were wider than the ones Draco rubbed on her back.  
  
She choked back a sob. "I would have stayed for him. I'm afraid of him going home. He's not safe there, and I can't lose him Harry. I nearly lost him once before, but I saved him then... What if I can't save him this time?"  
  
"What? Who is he? How did you meet him?"  
  
Hermione looked into Harry's green eyes. "That first night I borrowed your invisibility cloak, at the beginning of the year. I went to the Astronomy Tower; that is where I go to think sometimes. I like looking up at the stars. While I was there he came rushing up the stairs and he started climbing over the rail. He was really going to jump, so I pushed or pulled him back. It happened so fast I don't really know how I got him off of the ledge. After that something changed. I saw him truly for the first time, and he saw me, Harry. He saw me. I've been meeting him ever since. I told him I would give him something to live for. I gave him me."  
  
Harry closed his eyes and swallowed against the pain as he pulled Hermione close, cradling her body against his. "Mione, who is he, and why are you afraid of him going home?"  
  
"What if he's different when he comes back? What if he doesn't love me? What if I'm nothing to him? He can destroy me so easily. And what if he never comes back? I wish I could tell you who he is, but I can't right now. I just can't, not until I know for sure, how he feels," she said and took in a deep breath, slowly regaining her composure, then she looked at him, a shaky smile in place. "Harry, do you plan on staying at Hogwarts?"  
  
He nodded. "I do almost every year."  
  
"Would you like to come home with me? I think I might need someone, and I'm not ready to tell my parents about this. It's all so complicated," she whispered.  
  
"Okay, I just have to pack a few things... Are you sure they won't mind?"  
  
"Of course not! My mum and dad adore you and Ron. They will probably wonder where he is. And you don't have to worry, my parents planned on staying at home this year, for a nice quiet Christmas," she said and smiled.  
  
"Well then it's late and we have to get up early, so maybe we should go to bed. Don't worry I'll be packed by then, promise."  
  
"And I'll talk to Professor McGonagall for you tomorrow."  
  
"Thanks, and goodnight Hermione."  
  
"Goodnight, Harry. Pleasant dreams."  
  
The two parted, Hermione going to her dormitory to sleep, and Harry going to his, to pack and try to sleep.  
  
---------  
  
The next morning seemed to come too soon. Hermione quickly showered and dressed, went to talk to McGonagall, sent an owl to her parents, and was at breakfast as per usual. A few minutes after her arrival Harry and a bedraggled Ron joined her. Ron sat down and looked as though he were about to fall asleep in his porridge. Harry looked tired, but he was cheery none the less.  
  
As soon as Harry sat down next to her she asked, "So, have you packed?"  
  
Harry yawned and nodded, as Hermione smiled and spoke, "Good, McGonagall has you signed as away from school for the holiday, and I owled my parents. I'm sure they are making preparations for our arrival."  
  
Ron snapped wide awake at hearing this. He leaned across the table and smacked Harry in the shoulder. "Oi! Harry, when were you going to tell me that you and Hermione were dating? Going home with her on holiday to meet her parents all right and proper. Have you a wedding planned too?"  
  
Harry blushed and Hermione rolled her eyes and then froze as she caught the intent grey gaze of Draco Malfoy. She swallowed thickly and her eyes began to burn. She stood up nervously, all appetite forgotten and rushed from Great Hall. Ron and Harry both looked after her as she took off, Harry fighting the urge to go after her and Ron looking bewildered. Ron turned to Harry and asked, "Did I say something wrong?"  
  
Harry nodded. "Yes, and you said it rather loudly too."  
  
Draco had heard Weasley's comments about Potter joining Hermione for the holidays and his heart stopped. He watched as she hurried from Great Hall and then he left as tactfully as he could. He found her sitting by the stairwell. He approached her and looked down at her, clearly not pleased.  
  
"So, trying to make me jealous because I won't stay at school? Going to take Potty home to your parents so they will have someone to compare me to? How could you ask him to join you for the holiday? Don't you still love me? Or is it all a game? Promise me something to live for and then take it away?"  
  
"He would have been here all alone, and I needed a friend. I'm worried for you, Draco and I need someone to distract me from that while I'm with my parents, or they will sense something. Why can't you just stay? Please?"  
  
"I'm going and that's final. Hope you and Potter have fun together."  
  
Hermione grabbed his hand as he turned to leave, and he stopped, his body rigid. She let out a trembling breath. "He's only a friend. I love you. And there is no one, but you. I promise. I told you I would give you something to live for, and I did. I gave you me, and you can break me with just a few words. Don't you know the power you have over me?"  
  
"I know Hermione, I just don't trust him. He loves you too, and you are mine. I don't want him to try and take you from me," Draco said.  
  
"He couldn't," she said, and then paused as they heard someone approaching.  
  
Hermione let go of Draco's hand and he walked away. She quickly left the stairwell, suddenly feeling sick and made a mad dash for the closest bathroom, Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom. She made it to a stall just in time as the meager contents of her stomach emptied into the toilet. A few moments later she felt someone pulling her hair out of her face and handing tissue to her. She wiped her mouth, flushed the toilet and got up shakily and a pair of arms encircled her. She looked up and her brown eyes met with green. He quickly performed a cleaning charm on her mouth and left it with a minty fresh taste.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"Should we go to the hospital wing? I wouldn't want you feeling uncomfortable on the train."  
  
Hermione shook her head. "I'll be fine. Honestly, it's already past. I really don't know what came over me."  
  
"Are you sure?" he asked.  
  
She smiled weakly. "Of course I am, now let's go find a carriage, before all the good ones are taken. They did say that we were leaving promptly after breakfast, and I do believe that breakfast has just ended."  
  
Harry sighed and together they walked out of the bathroom, luckily no one was in the corridor, something that Harry was eternally grateful for, and then they left the school and headed toward the gate where the carriages awaited.  
  
Once on the train, time passed quickly. Harry and Ron played a few games of Exploding Snap; Harry brought half of the food trolley and split it among himself, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione, who surprisingly ate most of it. Ginny and Hermione talked for awhile and then Ginny went off to look for Seamus, leaving Hermione alone with Ron and Harry.  
  
Ron appeared to be blushing. "Um, Hermione, about this morning, I'm sorry. I just thought that you and Harry were finally together."  
  
"Finally together? Why would think that?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"It's just that I used to have a crush on you, and after we had that kiss in fifth year, we both decided we were best as friends, and then Harry and Cho didn't work out and he told me..." Ron stopped as Harry elbowed him sharply in the ribs and blushed. Ron glared at Harry and then said, "Oi, mate, I was only trying to help."  
  
"Hermione and I aren't together. She has someone else," Harry said and Ron's blue eyes widened.  
  
"Bugger! Well, who is he?" Ron asked.  
  
"She won't say," Harry answered.  
  
"Bloody hell! This isn't like Viktor Krum is it? Some pen pal who invites you to his home over holidays?" Ron said in exasperation.  
  
Hermione grinned and shook her head. "No, nothing like that. He goes to Hogwarts."  
  
"And how long have you been seeing him?" Ron continued.  
  
"Since the beginning of the year," Hermione answered.  
  
"Blimey, Harry! She's probably been using your cloak to see the bloke!"  
  
"She has," Harry said, cleared his throat, and then continued, "And she saved his life. That first night she took my cloak he was going to jump off of the Astronomy Tower. She pulled him back."  
  
"Wait! I thought she was going to the restricted section in the library!" Ron piped up and then looked at Hermione with his mouth hanging open. "Well, what do you know? She can lie!"  
  
The conversation took on a lighter note from that point, as Hermione refused to give them any details on this mysterious boy she'd been seeing since the beginning of the school year. Eventually the train reached it's destination and Hermione and Harry gather their trunks, put them on a trolley, waved to Ron and Ginny, and then headed toward the muggle platform where they met up with Hermione's parents. They hugged their daughter, Mrs. Granger even kissed Harry on the cheek, while Mr. Granger shook his hand.  
  
"Oh, Hermione, he's really grown into a handsome young man!" Mrs. Granger gushed and heat rose to Harry's cheeks as he said, "Thank you, Mrs. Granger, but really, Hermione and I are only friends, although she is rather beautiful."  
  
Mr. Granger winked at his daughter as Mrs. Granger fussed over Harry all the way to the car. Once the trunks were in the boot of the car, Hermione and Harry got into the backseat, Mrs. Granger chattered on from the front seat and Mr. Granger drove and added something to Mrs. Granger's chatter every now and then. All in all Harry felt comfortable and Hermione could almost forget the butterflies swirling in her stomach. Still her hand reached for the Draconis pendant, and Draco remained at the back of her mind, ever present.  
  
Once everyone was comfortable in the Granger home Harry and Mr. Granger settled in the living room for the usual male bonding that occurred before a television program and really escalated in conversation during commercials, while Hermione and her mother went into the kitchen to begin fixing dinner. For lunch they'd had sandwiches, but for Hermione's first day back home and with Harry for company Mrs. Granger had wanted to go all out. So she was preparing salmon for dinner.  
  
As soon as Hermione entered the kitchen her stomach plummeted. She clutched her stomach, covered her mouth, and ran to the lavatory as quickly as she could. She emptied the meager contents of her stomach, flushed the toilet, and was wiping her mouth when there was a knock at the door.  
  
"Hermione, sweetie, are you all right? Did you eat something disagreeable this morning? Do you need to lie down or anything? If you want I could make some soup for you," her mother offered.  
  
Hermione sighed and tilted her head back before answering, "No mum, I'll be fine. I must be getting the flu or something. It will pass I'm sure of it."  
  
"Okay, but if it gets worse you are going to see a doctor. Is that clear?" Mrs. Granger said.  
  
"Yes, mum."  
  
She heard her mother's footsteps and sighed. Then she used some mouthwash, brushed her teeth, and splashed cold water on her face. The nausea had passed just as quickly as it had come. She checked herself over, smoothing out the wrinkles in her blouse and attempting to make her wild hair at least manageable.  
  
When she came out of the bathroom she saw Harry sitting by the door with his knees drawn up. She knelt down beside him and asked what was wrong.  
  
He turned and shrugged. "I was worried. I hope you aren't really sick. I mean you were sick at school, and now here. Are you sure you're better now?"  
  
She smiled, and then something began tugging at her thoughts, she shook the thought away. "Honestly, I think the stress of school is finally getting to me, you know how I over do things at times and funny, I suppose the smell of salmon got to me too. Of course I've always liked salmon. It's nothing to worry about. I would tell you if something was wrong."  
  
"I know, but that doesn't stop me from worrying, you know," Harry said.  
  
She looked at him and then guilt crept into her mind. Was she hurting him by being so close? He looked up and their eyes met and locked. He lifted his hand to her cheek and then leaned toward her until their lips met. She began to protest, putting her hands on his chest, and as she was about to speak while pushing him away, he slipped his tongue into her mouth. She didn't know how to fight it without hurting his feelings, so she let him end the kiss. When he pulled back his eyes were wide with shock and fear, and yet it looked as though he enjoyed the kiss, even though she hadn't responded.  
  
"Harry," she began, and he stopped her by putting his index finger on her lips.  
  
"I know, this can never happen again. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, especially if you are seeing someone. I wish I could say I didn't want it to happen, but I can't lie to you," he spoke softly and then smiled weakly. "Thanks for not hexing me into oblivion, or slapping me."  
  
"You're my best friend Harry, I would do almost anything for you, and I would trust you with my life. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. I'm sorry, if I have ever led you to believe..."  
  
"No," he shook his head. "It's never been like that. I've always liked you. I was just a little bit late in telling you is all. Whoever he is, I hope he knows how lucky he is to have you. If things don't work out though I will always be here for you. No matter what."  
  
She put her arms around him in a tight hug and when they pulled apart he noticed the glint of the chain around her throat. He reached toward her neck and pulled it out. His eyes widened at the intricate pendant that dangled at the end of the chain.  
  
"Wow, where did you get this?" he asked.  
  
She blushed. "It was a present. He remembered that Draconis was my favorite, and so he got it made for me."  
  
"Draconis?"  
  
"The constellation, Harry. Don't you ever pay attention in Astronomy?" Hermione scolded.  
  
"This looks expensive. Silver and are those diamonds?" he asked.  
  
"Actually it's white gold and yes these are real diamonds," she answered and rolled her eyes playfully.  
  
Harry's eyes widened in surprise. "And he had that made for you? Where did he get the money? Who is he?"  
  
"I'm not ready to tell anyone yet," she said and then sighed as she fingered the pendant. "I told him that he didn't have to get me a present, but he insisted that I keep it. He told me he could only imagine this on me."  
  
"It's a nice gift. How long have you had it?" Harry asked.  
  
"Since the beginning of November. I've never taken it off, actually. I just wear it under my clothes."  
  
"You shouldn't hide it. I mean it's nothing to be ashamed of. It looks good on you," he said.  
  
"Thank you," she said; then looked at him and asked, "How can you be so understanding?"  
  
He shrugged, unsure of how to answer. Silence held them captive as he stood up and then helped her. She took his hand gratefully and then the two of them went to the main room where her father was cheering over a football game. Apparently London was winning. Hermione sighed and rolled her eyes, wondering how men could get so entranced by a game that relied on brutality and vicious violent tactics.  
  
Deciding that Harry was safe in the company of her father she went up to her room and picked up a book, one of her mother's seedy romance novels. Every now and then Hermione would pick them up and read them for a good laugh. She began to read it, rolling her eyes at the plot. A bored wife of a rich man tired of her husband's neglect found herself falling in love with the handsome and aptly muscled man that looked after her husband's stables. As Hermione read more and more of the novel, snorting here or there when the plot became wholly predictable, she came across a passage that made her heart stop.  
  
David was an amazing lover, and I knew that I loved him, but how could  
I tell him my suspicions? Was it possible that I was going to have a  
child? I'd tried for years with my husband, but never once did I  
conceive a child. And the thought of motherhood? Was I prepared for  
such a leap?  
  
Hermione's eyes ran over the passage over and over again, two sentences, one being a fragment, being most prominently played in her mind. "And the thought of motherhood? Was I prepared for such a leap?"  
  
Hermione swallowed thickly, her mind racing. It wasn't possible. It just couldn't be. She brought a hand to her abdomen and gently rubbed it, and quickly tore her hand away. They had been careful. They used the necessary charms, the right potions, but why was she sick all of a sudden? Didn't women go through morning sickness early on in a pregnancy?  
  
She quickly ran to her trunk and pulled out her charms textbook. She flipped through it and found a charm to reveal a pregnancy. She read over the page, then got her wand, held it over her abdomen as instructed and spoke the incantation as clearly as her shaking voice would allow.  
  
"Conceptus aperio."  
  
Her stomach and abdomen grew warm, and red light began to beam from her wand. Her mouth fell open in shock as she remembered that first night. She'd said, "I want you to make love to me."  
  
There had been no protective charms cast that night as they'd both given in too soon to think of consequences, and she hadn't thought of going to Madam Pomfrey for a morning after potion. A few moments later the charm faded and the warmth gradually faded as well. Hermione suddenly felt cold. She sat down on the end of her bed, taking in deep breath after deep breath, letting it out through her mouth, trying so hard not to hyperventilate. She hadn't realized that her eyes had brimmed over with tears. She blinked and the tears fell from her eyes, trailing hot down her cheeks. She gripped the lavender comforter on her bed, her hands closing around it like talons as the realization set in.  
  
She wasn't sure when the shaking began, but she was still shaking when there was a knock at her door, followed a few minutes later by Harry. He took one look at her and hurried over, wrapping his arms around her, trying to comfort her. Then when she calmed down a bit he asked her the one question that scared her the most, "What's wrong?"  
  
"Everything," she whispered. "I am always so smart and thorough in everything I do, but books and cleverness won't save me this time... Oh, Harry, not this time. I wasn't smart this time."  
  
"What do you mean? Hermione, what are you saying?" he asked as he drew her closer.  
  
A small whimper escaped her throat and he thought he heard her say something. As her words registered his body went rigid. He couldn't have heard correctly. It wasn't possible. She was Hermione, and she was never spontaneous. The dull ache in his chest increased into a sharp pain.  
  
"Did you just say you were..." he trailed, unable to say it.  
  
She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "Yes, Harry, I am. I did the charm and it has never been wrong before. It makes sense. It's been nearly six weeks and that is usually when morning sickness sets in. I'm surprised I didn't notice that I was late sooner. How stupid can I get? And to tell you another thing, I am never picking up another trashy romance for as long as I live."  
  
"Late? Late for what?" Harry asked, feeling a bit confused, and deciding against questioning the romance part.  
  
"You can't be that thick," Hermione said and then sighed. "You've been friends with Ron for how long and haven't realized what a late period means?"  
  
Harry blushed. "Oh. Well, I've uh... Never really had to worry about that before..."  
  
"Gods, what am I going to do?" she asked.  
  
"You can start by telling your parents. They are right downstairs. You could tell them it was me, if you still don't want to say who the real father is," Harry offered.  
  
She shook her head. "I can't tell them that. They would expect you to do the honorable thing, and that is not your responsibility, and I could never ask nor expect that of you. Besides, he should know first. He is the father after all."  
  
"Who is?" Harry asked persistently.  
  
"I won't tell you until after he knows Harry. It's for your own good as well as his."  
  
Harry sighed. "I just hope you know what you are doing, and if he hurts you and I find out who he is I will make him regret it. I mean that Hermione. I love you too much to just sit back and watch you get hurt without doing something."  
  
"You love me," she whispered and her voice caught as she tried to continue. "I suspected..."  
  
"I wish I'd told you sooner," he said faintly and blushed.  
  
The two remained seated on her bed, Harry holding and rocking her, trying to provide comfort and not really sure of what to do. He wanted to protect her, but he knew she wouldn't let him in until she was ready. He sighed and breathed in her scent, trying to memorize everything about holding her. The two slowly broke apart as Hermione's father called up the stairs that dinner was ready. Hermione went to check her appearance in the lavatory, while Harry took a deep breath, steeled himself for anything and everything, and went downstairs, a cheery smile firmly in place. A few minutes later Hermione joined them all downstairs in the kitchen.  
  
---------  
  
He was pacing his room yet again, wondering what Hermione was doing. Wondering if she was having fun with her precious Potter. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, and couldn't stop the smile that played across his lips at the memory of her slender fingers running through his silken platinum hair.  
  
He heard footsteps in the corridor, approaching his room. He froze and turned around, his eyes closed, as he sucked in a deep breath of air, and then his eyelids parted as the door was thrown open. In the doorway a man that he'd once loved and respected, and now hated and loathed, stood, smiling as though he was about to gain the world.  
  
"Draco, it is time. Are you ready?" the cultured voice asked.  
  
Draco bent his head down and looked to the floor, presenting modesty to his cold and commanding father, and then slowly he looked up, his grey eyes meeting the cold glacier gaze of a man he physically resembled. "Of course father. I could think of no other way of honoring you or the Malfoy name."  
  
Draco had to bite back the urge to spit at his father, push past him, and run as far away from Malfoy Manor as he possibly could, but then he thought back to Hermione, his very reason for hanging on, and he knew that if he defied his father, her life was in danger. So if he couldn't defy his father, perhaps he could betray him...  
  
---------  
  
It had been two long tortuous weeks, but somehow she'd survived, and she was getting used to the sickness, and she never wanted to smell cooking fish again. The ride on the train had seemed to last forever, especially since she'd seem him twice in the corridor, and once he'd even looked into their cabin to insult Harry and Ron. He'd given her a wink as both Harry and Ron had looked down to get their wands out.  
  
Then she'd had to survive through dinner, all the while with Harry urging her to eat this or that. She'd finally sent him a glare and he'd back down a little, but that didn't keep him from piling things onto her plate. Of course the fact that she'd eaten most of it had gotten both Ron's and Ginny's attention.  
  
Finally they were all gathered in the Gryffindor Common Room, thanking everyone for the presents they'd received. Hermione kept reaching into the pocket of her jumper, her hand wrapping around a small package wrapped in red foil paper. She drew in her bottom lip nervously, wondering if she should give it to him. Finally she couldn't take the waiting anymore. She leaned toward Harry and asked if she could borrow the cloak.  
  
Harry consented and so she'd gone to his room, gathered the cloak and headed toward the Astronomy Tower, hoping that he would be there. She was not disappointed. She saw him standing near a gargoyle that was located toward the left of the Astronomy Tower balcony. He must have heard her because he turned around. Her breath caught at the smile on his face.  
  
She took a few steps toward him, almost afraid that she was dreaming. Once she reached him he put his arms around her, pulled her close, and leaned down to kiss her.  
  
Apples and Strawberries, he thought, as he pulled back. She still tasted the same. He looked down at her and noticed something in her eyes. Were they filled with tears? He lifted his hands, his fingers lightly brushing her cheeks.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked.  
  
"Draco..."  
  
His eyes locked with the liquid brown depths of hers as his fingertips drifted from her cheek to lightly trace her jaw. "Yes, love?"  
  
"There is something I have to tell you, but first I have to know. I want you to tell me the truth. What is this between us? Is it real? Or am I just a temporary infatuation?" she asked, her voice trembled as she was on the brink of tears.  
  
He wrapped his arms around her and that was when his sleeve rode up, revealing his left arm, and the marked flesh. She gasped and looked at the horrible mark of a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth, and then she looked up into the grey eyes of the man she thought she'd known.  
  
"Why?" she demanded, her voice laced with pain and disappointment. "How could you?"  
  
He looked up at her. "I did it to protect you. If I hadn't taken the mark my father would have found out about us, I don't know how, but he would have, and he would hurt you. I couldn't allow him to do that, so I played the part of dutiful son. I did what was expected of me. I'm keeping you safe. Don't you realize that?"  
  
"You've allowed yourself to become him, and I can't do that to another innocent. I can't allow evil to hurt anyone else if I can stop it. Your answer doesn't matter anymore, because I already know what I have to do. I'm sorry that I ever trusted you, and I'm sorry that I gave you so much of myself. I wish I could say I'm sorry for loving you, but I can't. Because for everything you've taken from me, you've given back too," she said, her lip quivering as she fought a losing battle within herself. "Whatever this was, it has come to an end."  
  
"What? Hermione, what are you saying? I am not my father. I did it for us. What do you mean hurt anyone else? Another innocent? Who are you talking about? What does my mark have anything to do with us?" he snapped trying to suppress his anger, as confusion clouded his mind.  
  
"Everything!" she answered back just as viciously and then continued in a whisper, "I won't let my child grow up in the household of a Deatheater. I couldn't live with myself for doing that to an innocent child, no matter how much I loved their father."  
  
She then turned away from him and ran as far as she could, not stopping until she'd returned to Gryffindor Tower where she'd run to her room, flung herself on her bed and cried herself to sleep.  
  
He was left standing on the balcony of the Astronomy Tower, slowly taking in what she'd just told him. He was going to be a father and she clearly did not want him to be a part of that. He was tainted, marked, and could corrupt her...their child. He stood frozen in place, his head tilted upward, eyes looking up at the sky but not seeing anything as the mirror inside him shattered, breaking pieces of his soul, making him bleed as his world came crashing down around him.  
  
He thought he'd done the right thing. Maybe he had, but now there was more to protect than just Hermione, there was a child, his child. A life he'd help to create. It was time to make a decision. If she wouldn't let him take responsibility for their child, then at least he could protect it. With that thought, he headed straight for the headmaster's office. 


End file.
